That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
