if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't deserve a penis
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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