i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
