At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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