Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
