I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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