I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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