The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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