Porn is love you can see.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
