sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
