Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just cut my nipple shaving
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
