"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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