I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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