she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
