She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
