just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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