Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
