Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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