i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I could fuck to npr.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
