meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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