mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
