Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
