Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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