He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
