Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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