I love black thongs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
