Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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