I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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