I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
