the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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