His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
