It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
