My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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