u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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