she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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