i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude. I can hear the air.
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