my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
