God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
