You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
