Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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