I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
