You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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