I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
