im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
