Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
