Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
