Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
