Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
