imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
