Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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