when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
